Being Pregnant

I got married ten months ago. And people would not stop asking me until now whether I am pregnant already or not. At first I didn't mind that annoying busy body question. I would just simply brushed them aside and said that I am not. I have no burden, because me and my husband were postponing the pregnancy.
But for the past two months we have been trying to have baby but we haven't succeeded yet. I have my worries, my what if. What if I can't conceive baby, what if there's something wrong me, what if there's something wrong with my husband, what if there's something wrong with the both of us. What if we managed to conceive the baby and for some unfortunate reason, lose it.
I know there's just to many 'what if' and I am not known by people as a negative person. I have always try to be positive on every level or phase of my life. But just like so many other people on earth, I hate failure. I hate it when it didn't turn out as how I want it to be.
Two months is a short time. My friend said I shouldn't stress myself on it. Since the more I stress on it, the more stress I give to my body.
It's just hard to have your friends getting pregnant and having babies while you still have to try on it. And it's just a relief that I can write this down. Maybe I can be more relax regarding this pregnancy matter.

Feeling Misunderstood

I found out that a great deal of people feel that they are being “misunderstood”. Even Pink, one of my favorite singers named her album Misunderstood. And I think if you check other people blogs or friendster, you will find a lot of claim that they are being misunderstood.
I believe that in some point of your life you would feel misunderstood. That probably will be around the time when you don’t do what others think you should do. When you don’t dress up the way other people think you should. When you don’t like doing things people think you should be doing.
But I am so sure that we can’t be misunderstood all of our lives. I am sure that there is a way to communicate how we feel to others. I am sure that there are other people out there who can accept us they way we are and when we find that kind of people, we will feel understood.
So, I am urging these ‘Misunderstood People” to start telling their friends and maybe their family about how they feel. If your friends can’t accept you then you shouldn’t be friend with them. If your family can’t accept how you feel, well what can you do, they are still your family. At least you can change your friends.

I never had a pet...

I never had a pet my entire life. I have never been given a responsibility in the form of an animal that can walk in the land. The only animal that my parents keep is fish. We have a lot of fish at home. I don’t know why we keep fish. Maybe because we are Chinese that we have to keep fish at home because a lot of my relatives also keep fishes at home. My dad said that watching fishes swim and feeding them will take away your stress. And I agree with him on that.

But let us talk about my need to have a pet.

I have never been hurt by dogs, yet (hopefully never). My friends told me they had been bitten by dogs on their hand, their legs, even on their groin. My cousin was attacked by a cat when all she wanted to do was play with the cat and fed it. I grew up with these stories and I was in a certain childish way traumatized with dogs and cats.

I can’t be in close proximity of animals unless I know for sure that these animals won’t bite me, scratch me, lick me and won’t do any type of body contact that animal can do to human. I touched my first dog when I was 19. And that was because that dog was the nicest, friendliest dog in the whole world. Her name was Mini. She doesn’t bite, she doesn’t bark, and she’s just so cute and adorable. I love her and I haven’t touched her ever since because she’s living in another country.

But I wasn’t cured, I am still not cured of my pet phobia. I can’t stand the fact that their hair will be falling off on the floor, on the couch, on anything they walk on. I detest the fact that they are smelly if you don’t bathe them regularly, like everyday. And I am so not ready to have them drool on my hands.

All those fears don’t stop me from wanting to have a dog. I want to have a dog. And I have a chance to have one now. My husband grew up with having dogs as pet. He promised that when we have a dog, I can name the dog, and he can take care of anything that has anything to do with the dog. He will teach the dog to behave. That’s all I am asking for, a dog than can behave.

It might not be until another year that I will have a dog but finally I will have a dog and when I have kids, I would be happy to know that my kids will have pets.

Being Alive

I just read the e-mail my uncle sent me. He wrote that his business partner / friend passed away recently and he felt like he was living in a dream. One day he was there and then the next day he was gone from this world. He said that he's grateful to be alive and manage to enjoy his life with his wife and son.
When I was in Junior High School, one of my classmate died of leukemia. I didn't know him since it was the beginning of the year. During his funeral, I cried so hard. Not because of him, but because I saw how sad and miserable the mother was. It was obvious that the mother couldn't accept the lost of his son. I think he was only 13 or 14. So young, too young to die.
Then there was the death of my classmate's father. I don't know how the father died. Maybe it was a disease. I recall entering her house and seeing the father in the casket. But I didn't cry then. It was sad but I didn't cry.
My grandpa died when I was 8 years old. I didn't know him that much. My granpa was living in another city and my dad and brother were already there by the time my granpa passed away. My mom and I joined them later. I remembered clearly that on the way to airport, my mom cried in the taxi. I didn't really understand why she cried. I didn't cry at all. I think I was too little to understand.
I haven't attended any funeral since. And I think I'm kinda glad that I haven't. I know people will die eventually. I don't know who will outlive who. At the moment I'm just taking it for granted that my family and friends are stil alive. Which is not good at all. I should use this moment to tell them that I love them and spend as much time as I can with them.
But I'm not gonna overdo things just because one day any of us will die. I will enjoy the live I have and try to share it with those I love.

Miss Universe

Miss Japan won the Miss Universe title. I would say it's a nice surprise. I found out that this is not the first time a Japanese won this title. I'm really proud about being Asian.
One thing that caught my attention and I don't know whether this is only me or what, when the previous Miss Universe from Puerto Rico, Miss Zuleyka Rivera gave the crown to Miss Japan, well let me just put it simply, this Miss from Puerto Rico didn't seem happy. She didn't smile at all. Or maybe the camera didn't catch her when she was smiling.
Hmmmm....makes me wonder, what is going on that little pretty head of Miss Zuleyka Rivera when she crowned Miss Japan as the next Miss Universe. A little dissatisfaction that her Latin counterpart didn't win the title? Or she's just sad that she's gonna lose all the benefits of being Miss Universe?